Book Review of Before I go to Sleep.

A book of two halves; a lengthy and repetitive diary and an action packed end that will leave you in suspense. You may have heard of the film adaptation starring Nicole Kidman and Colin Firth but the original novel is worth a read.

Christine Lucas is a forty-seven year old, married woman although she doesn’t know it. After an ‘accident’ left her with a permanent case of Amnesia, Christine is not only unable to recall old memories she is incapable of forming new ones meaning she quite literally lives in the moment. Every morning she wakes up believing herself to be a much younger woman, sleeping in a stranger’s bed next to an unfamiliar man who she later discovers she has in fact been married to for many years. This ordeal is mentioned or at least referenced several times during the course of the book and I feel reflects not only the unimaginable pain felt by her husband who has to repeatedly explain Christine’s entire life to her at the start of each day but also the lack of freedom Christine has.

S.J Watson is undoubtedly a talented writer and deals with the unfamiliar subject matter with sensitivity and brutal honesty which can be at times uncomfortable. You cannot help but feel extraordinary empathy and love for this character drawn out by the use of the 1^st person. Christine appears extremely vulnerable which makes us reluctant to trust any of the few secondary characters in her life of whom she is extremely dependent on. It really gives an insight into what it must be like for individuals suffering with any disability or disorder that takes away their independence, not just memory loss.

A favourite character of mine which I sort of wish was explored in more depth; is the mysterious Doctor Nash. His secret meetings with Christine make us wary of his motives, but he generally seems invested in encouraging her to make progress even if it may be for a more selfish gain. I had not heard of the actor (Mark Nash) who plays him in the film and on first glance he doesn’t fit my interpretation; I feel like he should be a young, fresh-faced, intriguing character who matches the gentle care he gives Christine. That said, I haven’t actually watched the film. (Although books are always better than films.)

The startling plot towards the end of the novel kept me up well past midnight and is terrifyingly gripping, without giving too much away your suspicions are confirmed in the last few pages but not in the way you expect it to. I would say however, that this is the most exciting part of the book and the chapters preceding it lack this flair; it really is just a slow starter that you really just have to preserve with to get to the juicy parts. Saying this though, I felt the ending was a tad predictable, almost as if the writer felt obliged to include a somewhat happy ending and it feels rushed and unfinished. I wonder if perhaps it may have been better to shorten the narrative and include the plot twist much earlier on in the book so that the aftermath could have been dealt with sufficiently instead but hey that’s just me.

Overall, I think it’s definitely worth a read and I’d recommend it to fans of most genres. If I’m trying to be very professional I’d give it a respectable 3.5 out of 5 stars. 

Why does the high street insist on alienating tall girls?

If I had a penny for every time I tried on a dress or a pair of jeans in a shop, only to remark “It’s too short” I would be a millionaire by now. At a quarter of an inch shy of 6ft, I have always had huge difficulty finding clothes to fit my frame and frankly I am sick of putting up with ‘ankle biter’ trousers or dresses so mini you can’t bend over. At the risk of turning this topic into a rather enraged rant at the fashion industry, I just wanted to make this point.

For starters, there seems to be an inexplicable lack of tall ranges on the high street but yet you can find an array of petite clothing on pretty much every corner. New Look, Topshop, Next and Debenhams all stock petite ranges but in contrast offer a pitifully small tall range that is increasingly now only stocked online, (useless when you need to try things on.) To perfectly illustrate my point, some simple research will identify this problem. For example, on the New Look website they stock in total: 215 items in petite and only 147 items in tall. Whilst Debenhams, stock 517 items for petite women versus 116 in tall, Next, a ratio of 712: 390. And even Topshop, who is often praised for its range of niche clothing have just under 100 items more in petite than they do in tall…. the list goes on. Why does this seem to be such a one way street? Literally. Of course, there is always the argument that any specialist clothing is hard to find but a half decent tailor, or perhaps even a handy mother with a sewing machine could take material up a few inches. It is going to be much harder to add material that simply doesn't exist.

Admittedly, I have a rather biased opinion toward this issue and feel free to disagree with me if you will but I feel like us tall girls should have a revolt. The human population is only getting taller so it’s about time we started being catered for. I for one am not willing to fork out £70 for a pair of jeans or £80 for a dress just to get something that fits (I’m a student after all) and why should I? It realistically should only cost an extra few quid maximum to lengthen material outside of the regular sewing patterns. However, as I am not able to conjure up a solution to this out of thin air, I’ll provide a run-down on some of the ‘options’ out there for tall females who are having a tough time.

Long Tall Sally is the obvious choice and great if you are over 45, looking for M&S-esque fashion but it can set you back close to £100.

Their basics range, however looks like it could be refreshing to pretty much all ages and tastes even if nothing else takes your fancy.

http://www.longtallsally.com

 

I would also recommend a look at http://www.tallgirls.co.uk/

Again, it is not budget shopping but it is much more current in its trends. I simply love these tunic dresses at the moment and it would be refreshing to have a dress that I don’t have to team with leggings, as it modestly falls just above the knee. 
Subsequently, I have purchased this one and I will let you know how I get on.

Finally, If you are willing to search across the pond. Old Navy, an American Company, do quite an extensive tall range that shouldn't break the bank too much (although this is without shipping.) I can’t say their styles will suit everyone but I managed to find a pair of pretty cute shorts for the summer season. It’s worth taking a look.

http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=45402&vid=2&pid=369229002

And that’s about it I’m afraid. To my fellow tall girls, I wish you luck in your future fashion finds and remember height is a good thing. 

Novel Attempt

Hello all, a little bit of fiction from me today. I thought i'd share with you a little snippet of the book I am attempting to write. I've kind of got two on the go at the moment and I am notorious for starting and then changing my mind, so I haven't got very far with this one yet. It's very rough and I've barely proof read it but feel free to let me know what you think of it. 

Steven rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes blinking blurrily in the darkness. He exhaled deeply and watched the glowing, red numbers on the alarm clock flick forward. 4:00. The muffled vibration of a car whizzing by on the street outside buzzed momentarily through his eardrums and he turned his head gently to the sleeping woman lying next to him. He watched the slow, easy rise and fall of her chest, her blonde hair fanned out on the pillow like feathers on a majestic bird. He listened to the quiet whistling of her deep breathing, her shoulders drooping with the weight of each breath. She looked so peaceful.

As an insomniac, sleepless nights such as this one were far from isolated incidents for Steven. He had become accustomed to surviving on little sleep and bedtimes felt somewhat of an inconvenience. He glanced again at the clock, 4:53. The sun would be coming up soon. Steven contemplated getting up and getting ready for work already but decided against it. “This is a big case. I can feel it in my bones.” He thought.

His thoughts were interrupted by the motion of Laura stirring in the bed beside him. She rolled over onto her side and turned away from him, tucking her legs up into a ball and snuggling deeper into the pillow. Ten years they had been married. A whole decade. Steven sighed again. He couldn’t bear to see her unhappy. Watching her, he could envision her screaming at him, tears streaming like rain gushing off a slate roof. The pain and anger he saw in her eyes burned like daggers being stabbed into his heart.

His ears were filled with the muffled sound of music. The alarm clicked and Bruno Mars ‘Treasure’ played through the speakers, perky pop music first thing in the morning always irritated him and he kept reminding himself to change it. He let the song play for a few seconds before stretching over and hitting the snooze button on the top. Laura always liked to lay in bed longer. Feeling exhaustion and apprehension Steven’s muscles felt like lead as he hauled himself out of bed. He quickly dressed and prepared his usual breakfast; black coffee and an aspirin, and sat down at the kitchen table to prepare himself for the morning meeting.

“Morning.” Laura walked into the kitchen, greeting him with a tired-looking half-smile, her hair stuck up on one side.

“Alright?” Steven said not really looking up.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” she asked.

“Mmm, drifted in and out.” He shrugged. “You?”

“Yeah fine.” She glanced at the papers spread out on the table. “Busy day then?”

“Very busy.” He looked at her and pursed his lips, “it’s a big case.”

Steven wondered if Laura ever expected a different answer to the one that he always gave; that perhaps his insomnia had been cured overnight, or that for once the case he was working on was insignificant or minor. It was phatic talk really, friendly conversation just so they didn’t sit silently staring each out other at the breakfast table. He was surprised by his wife’s apparent cheeriness that she had greeted him with. He expected the cold shoulder from her this morning after last night. Steven shook his head. He didn’t understand his wife sometimes, it was like living with a 15 year old hormonal teenager; she’d only talk to you when she wanted attention or interaction, the rest of the time she would be either screaming abuse or ignoring you altogether. 

Steven found himself harping back to the mornings they had when they first got together. The days he used to wake up and look at her sleeping softly beside him, still like a pool of open water. He felt like the luckiest man alive to be married to such a beautiful, loving woman. They’d cuddle and canoodle for a bit, her soft skin warm against his, her hot breath sweet and sticky on his ear. Sometimes they’d make love those mornings, pure lust consuming and suffocating like the thick misty air on a winters morning , caressing her hips, thighs, breasts. It was these times that Steven forgot for a while, allowing himself to be sucked in, caught up in the moment as it were, not caring so much about getting into work on time if it meant he could just revel in it for a moment.

He looked over at Laura. She was flicking through the gossip section of the paper, starting intently and sipping her coffee. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards into a smile. These memories that every so often dwindled in his brain strengthened the fondness he had for her but also the guilt he felt that they spent more time at each other’s throats than they did getting along.

Steven stood up from his chair, gathering his papers and stuffing them into his bag.

“Got to go, see you later” he said to Laura.

“What time will you be home?” she asked with a cheerless expression.

Steven looked at her apologetically. “As soon as I can okay.” He kissed her lightly on the cheek and headed for the door.

Steven pushed the image of Laura’s disappointment out of his mind. Sometimes he preferred them to be fighting than to watch her retreat into herself like that, the look of despondency like a grieving woman. He knew there would come a day when she would leave him, and he would take the majority of the blame for that. That day was perhaps the day he feared most.

Chapter 2

“Madson, I need to speak with you.” Steven looked up to find his boss, superintendent, Nic Williams, staring down at him with a purposeful expression. Steven had to stop himself from groaning. This surely wasn’t good news. After the night he had with Laura and running on about 20 minutes sleep, this is the last thing he needed.

The argument last night, was particularly lengthy. He had admittedly returned home late, around 10pm to find Laura dozing on the sofa. He poured himself a whiskey and sat down to read when she came storming in ranting and raving about missing dinner, and a whole number of things that now just merged into a fuzzy, scattered blur. It had got quite heated and they had gone to bed bitter. He rubbed his fingertips into his throbbing temple, “This better be a promotion” he thought.

“I want you to take the lead on the missing girl case. You've got experience with forensics now so you should be able to handle it no problem.” His boss said.

“Me?” Steven said incredulously. He cleared his throat “What about Patterson doesn’t he normally take the lead on murder investigations?”

 Steven had only received DCI status 3 months ago. He had led a number of minor investigations, fraud cases, robbery, but never something as high profile as this case. The mere thought sent waves of excitement rushing through him.

“DSI Patterson is out of district for the month. I want you to lead it.” Nic raised an eyebrow “Unless you don’t think it’s something you can handle Madson…”

“No no sir I can definitely handle it.” Steven said confidently. “In fact I’ve had some thoughts about the evidence we’ve received already.”

“Great. Well let’s hope you put them to good use. Madson this is an important case and it's likely to attract a lot of attention, make sure the press get no word of anything until we have concrete evidence. You understand? The last thing we want is to lose control of this case because we are deemed incapable. Don’t let me down.” He said sternly.

“I won’t Sir, you can count on me.” Steven replied.

“I’m glad. I’m giving you Campbell to assist you.” Nic stated. “He’ll be good to have along especially when you’re interviewing witnesses or suspects.”

“Thank you Sir, I’ll get right on it” said Steven.

“Excellent.” He smiled. “Best of luck Madson.”

Steven couldn’t believe his luck. The opportunity to lead a case such as this one didn’t come around all too often, certainly not for people like him anyway. 

Underage and Gay- My thoughts and competition entry.

Recently, I watched a documentary on Channel 4 called Underage and Gay about young homosexual and transgender teenagers who have suffered or are currently victims of bullying. It really shocked me especially as I am only a year or two older than some of the teenagers featured. The other day, I was reading the Media Magazine that we get from school and inside the front cover was a competition to write and article of your choice, (around media obviously) with the winning article being published in the next edition. Now, I don't for one minute think I am going to win it but I really enjoyed writing it and I just thought i'd share it here. It is probably riddled with mistakes- even though I proof read it and sounds like it has been written by a 13 year old but I still have an ambition to become a Journalist some day and I guess this is good practice. 

Underage and Gay- A Channel 4 Documentary Reveals the Startling Truth You Didn’t Know Existed.

“Followed you home, you better sleep with one eye open and tell your mum the same.” These are the repulsive words spat down 14 year old Beckham’s mobile phone from a stranger, during the early hours of the morning. Why? Because he is gay.

A recent channel 4 documentary, following five teenagers, explored the discrimination facing Lesbian, Gay, Bissexual and Transgender youngsters today. Beckham, Michaela, Alex, Tameka and Cariad have all suffered severe homophobic bullying throughout their young lives.

I for one believe that prejudice and discrimination is still very much alive in Britain and more needs to be done to prevent it. It is easy to assume that there is growing equality for the LBGT community in the UK, especially with encouraging developments such as the legalisation of gay marriage, passed in July 2013. There is no denying however, that the attitudes of society that need changing.

The average age for young people to come out in Britain is just 15, but recent research published by Stonewall: a leading LGBT charity, revealed that over 55 percent of all homosexual young people experience homophobic bullying and a heart-wrenching, 20 percent of those have attempted suicide on one or more occasions.

“I told him, don’t go out on the streets and flaunt it because there is a lot of people that don’t like it, I don’t want him getting bullied.” 14 year old Beckham’s mother spoke of her worries of her gay son entering a relationship for the first time. The teenager and his boyfriend were shown meeting discreetly in the woods, near his home in Bradford, to avoid abuse from peers. His mother, although very supportive of her son and his bravery to be open about his sexuality, is wracked with worry on a regular basis that Beckham may be the victim of more horrific bullying and it is not without reason.

Beckham is regularly subjected to abuse and threats due to his sexuality, so much so that he has become hardened to it. “I’ve just got used to it so it doesn’t upset me anymore, it’s always going to happen. It’s just one of those things isn’t it?” It is this shocking statement that really struck a chord with me. I find it alarming that a young person had become so insensible to bullying and the inevitability of these fairly frequent and unprovoked attacks. The question is how do we prevent this happening to others?

The program also revealed a lack of co-operation from schools and the police surrounding the issue. The police seemed unwilling to take Beckham’s case seriously, branding the phone call Beckham received as a “hate crime” and therefore unable to take action on the situation. So maybe we should start here. If there is no deterrent or system in place to stop the use of homophobic language and bullying then it is unlikely to be resolved.

Unfortunately, Beckham is not the only one to be the target of homophobia. 15 year old Cariad, also spoke of her battle with the bullies. She said “When I first came out at school I was ostracised by a lot of girls and a lot of boys just wanted to intimidate me and see how far they could get to me...” She comes across extremely well in the program as a confident and mature young adult, way beyond her years and it is extremely encouraging to see how she has handled her situation. However, it worries me that others may not be so resilient.

Both Beckham and Cariad have support networks of good family and friends behind them to help them through the hard times, but what happens when that support ceases to exist?

17 year old Alex is transgender, he suffered domestic violence at home before being relocated and is now living in a youth hostel in Neath. He said, “I Just wanted to cut myself off from all of that and from the people who put me through that pain and just start again.” I find it vastly troubling that there is still such a stigma surrounding the LBGT community and worst still that there are young individuals facing life alone as a result of it. Alex even admitted to having suicidal thoughts at a particularly low point in his life. He does remain however, a hopeful and remarkable individual seemingly void of any self-pity.

I feel that there is a positive future ahead for all of the teenagers featured in the program as they all show positive and promising outlooks on life where others may have crumbled. Above all, the program highlights the stigma and prejudice that still exists in our society surrounding Lesbian, bisexual, gay and transgender young people that is simply appalling. I believe that education is the key to combatting this problem. If the next generation become accepting of homosexuality and difference, just as we have become accepting of race and sex, then people may never have to face this abuse again. After all, in the grand scheme of things does it really matter what sex we are attracted to? 

Hi.

So I decided I am going to start blogging. I don't have a real purpose for this blog yet but my intention is to just write about topics that pop up on my radar or anything I see as inspiration.